In my full-time job as a school counselor, I work with middle schoolers. I teach in the classroom, conduct small groups and even see them individually to help them in their personal, social and academic lives. Hearing their stories gives me a glimpse into what is happening in our community of Portland, Tennessee. There's a lot of good, but family fragmentation (divorce) is rampant. So much pain results from a girl whose dad does not show an interest in seeing her and from a boy who has no positive adults in his life outside of school. We can't ignore this issue.

Broken homes are all too common in our world today, particularly in Sumner County with our above-the-national-average divorce rate. In 2008, there was one divorce for every 1.3 marriages, and it's getting worse. In 2009, there was one divorce for every 1.15 marriages; moving ever closer to our community netting zero marriages in a calendar year. Most people have no idea of what this is doing to our community, our children and our future, but Project Family does, and we want to do something about it.

Divorce is a financial issue since it turns a two-income family into two one-income families, who quite possibly need social assistance. This is known as the fallout of divorce and very rarely is a correlation mentioned between divorce and tax revenue, but there is one. Sumner County accounted for three percent of Tennessee's divorces in 2008, costing Sumner County taxpayers $22,710,000. There's a cost to businesses as well. For an average employee making $20/hr, the projected cost of that employee divorcing is over $8,000 with time off work and lost productivity while on the job. Divorce takes its toll on a person and a business.

Divorce is killing our children. According to a 2003 article found in the 'Journal of Divorce & Remarriage,' students from intact families maintained grade point averages 11 percent higher than those of peers from divorced families. Teen pregnancy rises among girls in fragmented homes, and they are more likely to be single moms themselves. Teens with divorced parents are 50 percent likelier to drink. Want to rise to the top, curb teen pregnancy, drug use and alcohol use? Invest in marriages and the home. Simply teaching our fifth-graders to be nice to one another will not get it done.

There is good news for taxpayers and businesses. A study done by the Marriage CoMission in 2006 has proven that when companies invest in the physical and relational wellness of their workers, returns on investment can range between $1.50 and $6.85 for every dollar spent on these types of programs. Also, Texas has allotted $15 million over two years on programs to increase stable marriage rates. If this program succeeds by just three-tenths of one percent, it will be cost effective in its returns to Texas taxpayers. It doesn't matter if you're Republican, Democrat, Baptist or Catholic; this is uplifting.

Good news for couples and their children as well. Through the findings of a major national study, happily married couples had greater skills in areas of communication, flexibility, closeness, personality compatibility and conflict resolution. An important aspect of these five areas is that they can be improved through increased education and skills acquisition. Project Family wants to make this happen.

Project Family, Inc. believes that something can be done. First Things First of Chattanooga (FTF) began in 1997, when 33 percent of Hamilton County's population had been divorced. The national average was 22 percent. As of the 2010 FTF Report Card, divorce filings are down 33 percent.

Project Family hopes to provide classes, printed materials and special events that are geared toward saving marriages and increasing father involvement in the lives of their children to help strengthen families. Whether you're a church, an individual, or a business, we hope that you'll join our efforts.

Visit dalesadler.net/projectfamily or our Facebook page to find out more. You can also call Dale Sadler (Executive Director of Project Family) at 615.513.3642 if you're doing something now or would like to do something to positively affect the family in Sumner County. Please, join us.

By DALE SADLER

Listen to Dale's live radio show Sundays at 4:30 p.m. (CST) at wqkr.com, 95.9FM or 1270AM. Dale discusses pertinent family issues with political activists, motivational speakers and fellow therapists. Visit www.dalesadler.net for more information on Dale's work with families and the non-profit, Project Family.

On Saturday, Dec. 4, and Sunday, Dec. 12, Garr's Rental & Feed in Mt. Juliet invites the community to its annual Open House, where pets (and families) can have their photos taken with Santa. The popular event will be from 10 a.m. until 1 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 4 and from noon until 3 p.m. on Sunday, Dec. 12.

"This year, we have a wonderful outdoor Christmas scene complete with elves and reindeer," said Roy Garr, president and owner of Garr's Rental & Feed. "Many families use the photo for their holiday greeting cards. All families, with or without pets, are welcome to participate. It's great fun for everyone."

The pet (and family) photos will be taken by a professional photographer. A variety of photo packages will be available for a cost of $5 to $20, plus a $5 sitting fee. Photo packages can include photos on a CD, and numerous "backdrops" will be available with the Christmas scene for a wide variety of photo opportunities. Families can bring their own cameras and take their own photos for a sitting fee of $10. A percentage of the proceeds from the photo sessions will be donated to Wildlife Rescue & Rehabilitation in Mt. Juliet.

"Santa loves animals, and so does everyone at Garr's Rental & Feed," remarked Garr. "All kinds of pets and their people are welcome to our Open House."

Pets and their families will be photographed on a first-come, first-served basis. Complimentary refreshments will be served.

While Santa will only visit Garr's on Saturday, Dec. 4 and Sunday, Dec. 12, the Christmas scene will be available for use as a backdrop for holiday photos beginning Friday, Nov. 26, for all customers to use for their personal holiday photos. A $10 sitting fee will apply to those wishing to use the holiday backdrop, with a portion of the fee also benefiting Wildlife Rescue & Rehabilitation.

Garr's Rental & Feed, a family-owned business, is located at 11620 Lebanon Road in Mt. Juliet. It is open Monday through Saturday from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m. and is open Sundays seasonally.

Pregnancy is a magical time. To prepare for your new little one, University Medical Center is offering three series of Childbirth Education classes. The first three series of five classes will be held on Tuesdays at the medical center from 6:30 until 8:30 p.m. on the following days: January 11, 18, and 25, Feb. 1 and 8; then March 1, 8, 15, 22, 29; and finally April 19, 26, May 3, 10 and 17. There will also be a marathon day for refresher class on Saturday, March 12.

For more information, please contact Karen Clairday, RN, at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or 453-8188.

As the weather cools and the leaves change, I begin to mourn the departure of summer with its grilled food and time outside. Late September to mid-October is particularly difficult, as it's too cool to play in the sprinkler but too warm to enjoy the changing leaves; unless of course they're drying to a crisp. However, by the time Halloween rolls in, I've accepted it.

Now begins the time of year that we term, "The Holidays." So much is crammed into the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas that by the time we throw away the last of the wrapping paper, we wonder where it all went. Take pictures, make dinner plans now and drink up this festive time because January and February will soon be here and unless it's a snow day, don't bother me.

One of my joys of the season is watching Christmas movies. I'll be purchasing Mickey's A Christmas Carol soon, adding it to Rudolph, Frosty and Charlie Brown. Elf with Will Ferrel is a favorite in the Sadler household, too. Ferrel's character, Buddy, meets a girl (played by Zooey Deschanel) who says, "I'm just trying to make it through the holidays." Buddy is dismayed by this and begins converting her to his belief in the Christmas spirit. For some, Deschanel's take on this time of year mirrors their own. The feeling I have in late September doesn't end for these who must bear a month of turkey dinners and yuletide cheer. What to do?

This state of bah-hum-bug can come from many sources. With the focus on family during this time of year, many are thrust beside cousins, siblings, or even parents that they don't care for very much. What to do? Make the most of it. Conversation can be had with almost anyone depending on the level that you want to take it. Don't have much in common with cousin Jeb? Talk about sports or some other interest that both of you have. You're a hard worker, but your in-laws are lazy? Talk about the dinner plates or your gun collection. You're bound to have something in common. These mundane topics may seem pointless, but they keep everyone civil and the holiday atmosphere comfortable.

It's not only the present that can get people down, but like the Ghost of Christmas Past, events long gone can make a joyous time of year one to be dreaded. The weather doesn't help either. With less sun and people staying inside, the things that normally make us feel good are a little harder to come by. Chocolate can only do so much to make us feel good.

What may be the culprit here, besides the weather, is that the holidays are made up of traditions and when those traditions change because of the passing of a loved one or some other event; it may be difficult to move on. While the person can't be replaced, new traditions can be established. After all, there are grandchildren who want what you had so many years ago; holidays and traditions to remember and pass on to their children. You can make it happen.

By DALE SADLER

Listen at wqkr.com, 95.9FM or 1270AM, on Sunday, Nov. 21 at 4:30 p.m. when Dale will be discussing the holidays. Visit www.dalesadler.net for more information on Dale's work with families and the non-profit, Project Family.

Here are four things I promise my child or teen that I'll care about:

First, I'll care about what you care about. Whether it's a science project or a cartoon, if it's important to you, it will be important to me. By this, I'll teach you that you matter. No amount of business or yard work will keep me from sharing in your life on a regular basis.

Secondly, I'll care about your opinions and feelings. Because you are a part of this family, I'll consider what you think and how you feel. I won't always follow through with what you want because I am the parent, but you will know that you matter and that your best interest is at the heart of all my decisions.

Third, I'll care about your friends. While they may be a bunch of misguided miscreants, they, like all children and teens, need direction and if I can influence them, they'll help me take care of you.

Fourth, I'll care about your future. I want you to succeed for a selfish reason in that you are my legacy for when I pass. You are my chance at immortality, but more important than that, your success could change the world for the better.

Here are four things I promise my child I won't care about:

First, I won't care that you get mad when I discipline you. It's not fun for me either, but it has to be done. Otherwise, I won't be teaching you what is right and wrong. Also, worrying that you are upset will only make my job harder. So, from this day forth, I'll not be worried about it. You should know what the consequences of your behavior are, so don't be surprised when you find yourself grounded after you come in late. It's not my fault.

Second, I won't care about embarrassing you when your health and well-being are at stake. I won't kiss you in the mall or hug you in the school hallway if you don't want me to, but nothing short of the U.S. military will stop me when I need to protect you. Bullies and the boy I warned you about will not get away with anything.

Third, I won't care about what you want to do when I think it's dangerous or if I'm the least bit uncertain about it. If you want to do anything, you must have my parental approval because I am the all-powerful being of your universe. When you pay taxes and choose to create life, we'll talk about your status on the matter.

Fourth, I'll never care about anything that keeps you from being a better person. I made mistakes that hurt me deeply. I don't want the same for you. So, listen to what I have to say. It comes from experience and just know that you'll be thankful someday because I said two things to you regularly: "no" and "I love you."

By DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues. Starting Sept. 19, tune in each Sunday to 95.9FM or www.wqkr.com for Project Family with Dale Sadler at 4:30 p.m. Subscribe to Dale's e-newsletter and podcast at www.dalesadler.net.

The Learning Channel show "American Chopper" has slowly made a couple of loud-mouthed grease monkeys into a couple of rich, loud-mouthed grease monkeys. Cool bikes and a lot of family drama make this show entertaining. I enjoy their designs, but also as a counselor, the dynamics of a strained relationship between a father and son compel me to watch. Is it staged? I don't know. Some believe that it is, and you certainly can't trust TV very much, but whether it is or not, the family issues are real.

One can speculate a lot about what causes their arguments. Everything from money to stubbornness can be blamed for the yelling and the throwing of furniture. Also, whatever it is may depend on the episode you're watching, but there is a common thread that has been on the show since its inception: a son's desire to be accepted by his father and the legacy that is being left by that father through his son.

Even if you've just seen the commercials, you'll know that Paul Senior believes that Junior is lazy and never follows through with anything. Wouldn't it be great as a father though to say that your son built a successful business because of your influence and upbringing? Who wouldn't want that? But Junior is the competition. So, Senior is pulled in the direction of being a success himself and not being beaten at his own game. On the other hand, what if he fails? This will then reflect poorly on Senior because he's the father and has taught Junior all that he knows. No matter who you're rooting for, Junior and Mikey (little brother) are the legacy that Paul Teutul Senior is leaving behind and if it's not important to him now, it will be because it's important to all men.

Junior and Mikey are in a difficult bind as well because working with family is different than working for someone else. Maybe they didn't always give it their best because they knew their dad would cut them some slack. This isn't good for business, especially family business, and the animosity among them has finally caught up as Senior has filed a lawsuit against Junior.

Regardless of the cushioning the boys may or may not have expected, all sons want their dads to say, "Great job. You did well." The desire to hear these words but never have that desire met will cause all children to stay away from the dad who, in his own way, may be pushing the child to succeed. Brow-beating works sometimes, but it can eventually make any child grow hard and resentful.

I could be totally wrong about what is going on with them on the show because the TV hides so much. However, the elements I've illustrated are universal. So dads, help your son be the man you want him to be, but inspire him, don't tear him down. Sons, show your dad you want to become a man that he can be proud of.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.

The Sudekum Planetarium inside the Adventure Science Museum is not just for education any more. Running now through September 4, 2010 the planetarium is offering a series of laser light shows sure to entertain the whole family. With music offerings from Michael Jackson, various techno artists, U2, Pink Floyd, and 80's Music there is something for everyone. Who would think that such excitement could be drawn from a little music and a choreographed light show but this is much much more. The show is an event and one not soon to be forgotten.

The Sudekum Planetarium Summer Light Series offers an experience that is unlike anything you have seen before. You enter to a filled auditorium and as you sit back the lights dim. You can feel the excitement building. The announcer encourages everyone to let go and enjoy themselves just as they would at an actual concert. The music starts to applause and the room literally begins to spin as you are looking up at the cosmic ceiling. The light show is something spectacular. It's not just beams of light but vibrant graphics all set to the nights musical theme. It is a night full of family oriented entertainment at an affordable $8 for non-members and $6 for museum members per show. Many enjoy the show so much they catch every new offering. It is always something different and always fun.

The Adventure Science Museum is located at 800 Fort Negley Boulevard  in Nashville. The shows are advertised for ages 9 and up and tickets are available at the door only and opens at 8:00 p.m. For complete information check out the Sudekum website at http://www.sudekumplanetarium.com/schedule/2010lasers.shtml or call (615) 862-5160. As a side note know that this type of show is not appropriate for everyone as strobe lights and special effects in laser light shows may cause seizures in some people.

The other day Malita and I bought a new piece of exercise equipment. UPS brought it, and I was ready to put it together, so out of the box it came gracefully scratching our laminate floor. Here comes the rage, but I kept my temper in check, not that it didn't bother me. It bothered me a lot. From the couch, Malita couldn't see it and so didn't care about the, as I saw it, malignant tumor on our shiny floor. This cool view of the situation is why I love her.

I know her thought process about the incident: "There's nothing we can do about it so why bother?" She's right. What are we going to do? Invest in a whole new floor when our current one has about ten years left in it? Are we going to rush out and look for some patch material that might actually make the spot more noticeable? Are we going to sue the company that made the product and didn't include caps on the sharp, jagged edges? No. We've got better things to do. It's just a scratch and, even if you knew it was there, you'd still have to look for it. Besides, an area rug is much cheaper.

In our marriages, there are scratches like this. Imperfections we may see in the other person. Flaws that at one time seemed so small but now are big, furry purple elephants. What should you do about your spouse's imperfections? There are a few routes to take.

First, is it worth considering? Does it harm your relationship? Is it harmful to the person? If not, you might need to just overlook it. It is our small ways of doing things that make us who we are. On the other hand, if it is a small thing, bring it up in conversation, maybe your spouse will be willing to change.

Second, if it is detrimental in some way, approach it from a concerned frame of mind. If your husband's temper often gets out of control, tell him you're worried about how the kids perceive him. If your wife spends too much, you both need to decide on a budget so your financial goals can be met.

Finally, work on yourself. While your spouse's issues may be a big, furry elephant, yours could be the size of a blue whale. By working on yourself, you become a better and more lovable person. Your spouse will notice the difference, and you'll be happier with yourself. How can you go wrong there?

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.

In their book "Love & War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of," John and Stasi Eldredge do a magnificent job of laying out the spiritual connections of marriage. In chapter six, they discuss agreements we make with ourselves and how this is nothing but the work of Satan wanting to destroy our marriages. He is the father of lies, and we often believe them. With these agreements in place, your marriage will never be what it truly can and should be.

These agreements are attempts at maintaining our marital relationship in its current state with no desire to improve. If any of these sentiments remain unchecked, divorce can be close, and if not divorce, an unsatisfying relationship will continue. Satan came in between one of the world's most famous couples, Adam and Eve. They blamed one another for their situation at the tree when Satan lied to them.

Some examples of these agreements are:

• It's just not going to get any better.
• Don't rock the boat; settle for what you've got.
• It's not worth the effort; don't give it one more try.
• Never let anyone hurt you again.
• I'm just not going to trust him/her anymore.
• You do your thing, and I'll do mine.
• I shouldn't have married him/her.
• I'd be happier with someone else.

If you watch political shows, you'll notice that however is speaking will put their own "spin" on the situation. Conservatives say that President Obama is spending us into oblivion, while more liberal shows would say that Obama is changing us for the better. Whichever way you lean will determine who you believe. The same can happen in your marriage when a simple event turns into a reason to be upset with your spouse.

You're in a hurry, and she wants to talk about something important. "Why does she always do this?" is what you say to yourself as you rush out the door. Then, on your way to work, the irritation festers and, in a sick way, you enjoy it. Sort of like picking a scab. You know it's bad, but you do it anyway. You think to yourself, "I hate it when she does that. She's such a nag. It will never change." Eldredge and Eldredge say, "Irritation becomes cynicism; cynicism becomes resignation." Turning a simple conversation into something darker damages your marriage all because you agree to do so.

Whatever happened to considering our spouse's heart and his or her needs? Instead of moments of connection, important moments turn into mine fields; reason to feel contempt rather than love. We must stop making these negative agreements and start considering those things that strengthen our marriage. If you are in a negative pattern, get out of it and work to build your bond rather than agreeing with yourself to tear it down.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.

Beginning on Wednesday, June 16, The Roxy Theater in Lebanon will begin hosting 'Free Movie Wednesdays' for children and their parents, according to Anita Sanders, general manager of The Roxy.

"We're going to be offering this every Wednesday morning through the end of July," Sanders explained. "School's out, and a lot of families are looking for a budget friendly family activity. We just want to give back to the community that has meant so much to us for almost six years now, and we've always taken great pride in being Lebanon's hometown theater, offering up excellent customer service with a touch of Southern hospitality."

Each Wednesday, the doors at The Roxy will open at 9:30 a.m., and the week's free movie will begin showing promptly at 10 a.m. on two screens in digital format. Seating is available for approximately 460 guests and will be available on a first come, first served basis, Sanders said.

Free Movie Wednesdays kicks off on June 16 with a showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, which finds America's favorite singing chipmunk trio dealing with the pressures of school, fame and a new rival group known as The Chipettes.

FREE MOVIE WEDNESDAYS at The Roxy:

• June 16 - Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
• June 23 - Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
• June 30 - Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
• July 7 - Aliens in the Attic
• July 14 - Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
• July 21 - Monsters vs Aliens
• July 28 - Kung Fu Panda

The Roxy is located at 200 Legends Drive in Lebanon. For movie listings, please visit The Roxy website or call the Roxy Movie Line at 615-444-4RXY.