I often get the question, "How do I get my child/teen to do (blank)?" This typically comes from a frustrated parent who is having no luck with their current plan of action. Junior isn't doing what he is asked and mom and dad are getting more and more frustrated.

Inherent in this question is the idea that you have to persuade your child to do something. Now, this is an excellent way of teaching your child to do things. For instance, it can be an easy way to get them to eat. You've probably told your son, "That chicken will make you big and strong like daddy." While persuasion is good, it's not always what is best.

"How do I get ...?" can sometimes be the wrong question. I think what may need to be asked is this, "What am I going to do to make my child do what he is asked?" Parents, typically exhausted by this time, are ready to give up because their child won't do what they're told. Somehow the child has gained the upper hand. The child is doing what he wants and to him, that's all that matters. While the child may love his family, he loves having his way even more and if he is not doing what you think he should be doing, something is terribly wrong.

This rebellion can be the result of the child never being taught to listen, "just because." The parent, hopefully the wisest in the household, knows what is best and the children should comply. This is taught through small things like eating and going to sleep when told. Gift-giving at a young age can be used but if overdone, can only complicate the matter as the child is taught that getting a gift is when he complies. If he doesn't get a gift, he won't listen. It's a vicious cycle.

This rebellion may also be the result of the baby birds trying to take flight. At some point the children begin making decisions on their own as they prepare to leave the nest. While this is difficult for parents to handle, it is a part of life. Maybe that's what the father of the prodigal son faced.

There are many different parenting techniques that can be used in these situations and they can be as numerous as the parents that are out there. At the end of the day though, you have to fight for your children. The world wants them. The world wants your daughter to think she's only beautiful if she acts or looks a certain way and it wants your son to think that he's not a man unless he's doing what he wants regardless of the consequences. Guess what? Your teens are buying into these ideas.

Paul describes children this way in Ephesians 4:14, "As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming ...". Children are moved by whatever comes into their view. They want to do what feels good and what is easy. You've taught them right from wrong but never assume they're not capable of negative actions.

There will be times in your relationship with your child when you must take him by both shoulders and walk along with him, making him do the right thing. In James Dobson's book, The New Strong Willed Child, parents talk about holding their children down, making them do what they're told. Crazy? I'd rather hold my son down now, than end up dragging him out of some crack house later. Sometimes, if these drastic measures aren't taken, you may lose your child. I, for one, am not going to give up that easily.

By DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Mental Health Service Provider, speaker, minister, artist, writer, and hiker. His private practice is part-time and he works full-time as a School Counselor in a middle school. He has been a speaker at the Tennessee School Counselor Association Conference for the last three years, and is a two time recipient of MEASURE recognition which includes being recognized as having the top MEASURE submission at the 2010 conference. Dale does appointment preaching regularly in the Church of Christ, and has a monthly radio show on 95.9FM where he discusses marriage, parenting, and the personal struggles we all face.

Dale has been writing regularly for the last four years and his writings have been featured in the newsletter for the Tennessee Association of Marriage & Family Therapy, Kaio (a Christian magazine for teens), Church Growth, Fathers.com and various middle Tennessee newspapers. He is currently featured in the Hendersonville Star News (Hendersonville, TN), The News Examiner (Sumner County, TN) & at HobNobWilson.com.

Visit Dale's home on the World Wide Web at http://dalesadler.net.