As the weather cools and the leaves change, I begin to mourn the departure of summer with its grilled food and time outside. Late September to mid-October is particularly difficult, as it's too cool to play in the sprinkler but too warm to enjoy the changing leaves; unless of course they're drying to a crisp. However, by the time Halloween rolls in, I've accepted it.

Now begins the time of year that we term, "The Holidays." So much is crammed into the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas that by the time we throw away the last of the wrapping paper, we wonder where it all went. Take pictures, make dinner plans now and drink up this festive time because January and February will soon be here and unless it's a snow day, don't bother me.

One of my joys of the season is watching Christmas movies. I'll be purchasing Mickey's A Christmas Carol soon, adding it to Rudolph, Frosty and Charlie Brown. Elf with Will Ferrel is a favorite in the Sadler household, too. Ferrel's character, Buddy, meets a girl (played by Zooey Deschanel) who says, "I'm just trying to make it through the holidays." Buddy is dismayed by this and begins converting her to his belief in the Christmas spirit. For some, Deschanel's take on this time of year mirrors their own. The feeling I have in late September doesn't end for these who must bear a month of turkey dinners and yuletide cheer. What to do?

This state of bah-hum-bug can come from many sources. With the focus on family during this time of year, many are thrust beside cousins, siblings, or even parents that they don't care for very much. What to do? Make the most of it. Conversation can be had with almost anyone depending on the level that you want to take it. Don't have much in common with cousin Jeb? Talk about sports or some other interest that both of you have. You're a hard worker, but your in-laws are lazy? Talk about the dinner plates or your gun collection. You're bound to have something in common. These mundane topics may seem pointless, but they keep everyone civil and the holiday atmosphere comfortable.

It's not only the present that can get people down, but like the Ghost of Christmas Past, events long gone can make a joyous time of year one to be dreaded. The weather doesn't help either. With less sun and people staying inside, the things that normally make us feel good are a little harder to come by. Chocolate can only do so much to make us feel good.

What may be the culprit here, besides the weather, is that the holidays are made up of traditions and when those traditions change because of the passing of a loved one or some other event; it may be difficult to move on. While the person can't be replaced, new traditions can be established. After all, there are grandchildren who want what you had so many years ago; holidays and traditions to remember and pass on to their children. You can make it happen.

By DALE SADLER

Listen at wqkr.com, 95.9FM or 1270AM, on Sunday, Nov. 21 at 4:30 p.m. when Dale will be discussing the holidays. Visit www.dalesadler.net for more information on Dale's work with families and the non-profit, Project Family.

The story of when you first fell in love is probably a beautiful one that you could tell really well. You know where you were, what you were doing, and probably even what you were wearing; at least what he or she was wearing. It was a powerful moment. I know mine was. Although, let's face it, when we say, "fall in love," what we really mean is that a deep level of infatuation took us over when we saw THAT person. While we couldn't sleep or eat for days, and all we could do was think about him or her, it was not really love. You see, this is part of the problem. We consider love too frivolously. How can what we feel in a magical moment carry us for fifty years? It can't. This is why love must be taken more seriously and understood for what it is.

Marriage is worth every moment you spend on it in order to make it all that it can be. In general, married people enjoy better health, longer lives, more satisfying sex, more wealth, and children who do better emotionally and academically. Think living together is the answer? Think again. While the number of cohabiting couples has increased 1,000 percent since 1960, research demonstrates that living together is not helpful marriage preparation. Instead, the trends indicated that couples who cohabited prior to marriage actually have lower relationship satisfaction and increased risk of divorce. (Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America's Business?, Turvey & Olson, 2006)

While love is not a hole we fall into, it is a place that we often work our way out of because of a lack of commitment. Think you'll be happier with that other person? Think again. He or she has just as many (if not more) personal problems and annoyances as your current spouse. Think that other person will be pleasant in the morning? Think again. He may be just as grumpy. Think that other person won't leave her towels on the floor? Think again. She may not pull the curtain in during her shower, leaving the floor completely wet.

You see, these are the things that drive us crazy but that can only be seen when living with someone and that are totally missed when you don't. Stop focusing on the little things that bother you and start looking for and making the good. It will revolutionize your relationship.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.