In my full-time job as a school counselor, I work with middle schoolers. I teach in the classroom, conduct small groups and even see them individually to help them in their personal, social and academic lives. Hearing their stories gives me a glimpse into what is happening in our community of Portland, Tennessee. There's a lot of good, but family fragmentation (divorce) is rampant. So much pain results from a girl whose dad does not show an interest in seeing her and from a boy who has no positive adults in his life outside of school. We can't ignore this issue.

Broken homes are all too common in our world today, particularly in Sumner County with our above-the-national-average divorce rate. In 2008, there was one divorce for every 1.3 marriages, and it's getting worse. In 2009, there was one divorce for every 1.15 marriages; moving ever closer to our community netting zero marriages in a calendar year. Most people have no idea of what this is doing to our community, our children and our future, but Project Family does, and we want to do something about it.

Divorce is a financial issue since it turns a two-income family into two one-income families, who quite possibly need social assistance. This is known as the fallout of divorce and very rarely is a correlation mentioned between divorce and tax revenue, but there is one. Sumner County accounted for three percent of Tennessee's divorces in 2008, costing Sumner County taxpayers $22,710,000. There's a cost to businesses as well. For an average employee making $20/hr, the projected cost of that employee divorcing is over $8,000 with time off work and lost productivity while on the job. Divorce takes its toll on a person and a business.

Divorce is killing our children. According to a 2003 article found in the 'Journal of Divorce & Remarriage,' students from intact families maintained grade point averages 11 percent higher than those of peers from divorced families. Teen pregnancy rises among girls in fragmented homes, and they are more likely to be single moms themselves. Teens with divorced parents are 50 percent likelier to drink. Want to rise to the top, curb teen pregnancy, drug use and alcohol use? Invest in marriages and the home. Simply teaching our fifth-graders to be nice to one another will not get it done.

There is good news for taxpayers and businesses. A study done by the Marriage CoMission in 2006 has proven that when companies invest in the physical and relational wellness of their workers, returns on investment can range between $1.50 and $6.85 for every dollar spent on these types of programs. Also, Texas has allotted $15 million over two years on programs to increase stable marriage rates. If this program succeeds by just three-tenths of one percent, it will be cost effective in its returns to Texas taxpayers. It doesn't matter if you're Republican, Democrat, Baptist or Catholic; this is uplifting.

Good news for couples and their children as well. Through the findings of a major national study, happily married couples had greater skills in areas of communication, flexibility, closeness, personality compatibility and conflict resolution. An important aspect of these five areas is that they can be improved through increased education and skills acquisition. Project Family wants to make this happen.

Project Family, Inc. believes that something can be done. First Things First of Chattanooga (FTF) began in 1997, when 33 percent of Hamilton County's population had been divorced. The national average was 22 percent. As of the 2010 FTF Report Card, divorce filings are down 33 percent.

Project Family hopes to provide classes, printed materials and special events that are geared toward saving marriages and increasing father involvement in the lives of their children to help strengthen families. Whether you're a church, an individual, or a business, we hope that you'll join our efforts.

Visit dalesadler.net/projectfamily or our Facebook page to find out more. You can also call Dale Sadler (Executive Director of Project Family) at 615.513.3642 if you're doing something now or would like to do something to positively affect the family in Sumner County. Please, join us.

By DALE SADLER

Listen to Dale's live radio show Sundays at 4:30 p.m. (CST) at wqkr.com, 95.9FM or 1270AM. Dale discusses pertinent family issues with political activists, motivational speakers and fellow therapists. Visit www.dalesadler.net for more information on Dale's work with families and the non-profit, Project Family.

The story of when you first fell in love is probably a beautiful one that you could tell really well. You know where you were, what you were doing, and probably even what you were wearing; at least what he or she was wearing. It was a powerful moment. I know mine was. Although, let's face it, when we say, "fall in love," what we really mean is that a deep level of infatuation took us over when we saw THAT person. While we couldn't sleep or eat for days, and all we could do was think about him or her, it was not really love. You see, this is part of the problem. We consider love too frivolously. How can what we feel in a magical moment carry us for fifty years? It can't. This is why love must be taken more seriously and understood for what it is.

Marriage is worth every moment you spend on it in order to make it all that it can be. In general, married people enjoy better health, longer lives, more satisfying sex, more wealth, and children who do better emotionally and academically. Think living together is the answer? Think again. While the number of cohabiting couples has increased 1,000 percent since 1960, research demonstrates that living together is not helpful marriage preparation. Instead, the trends indicated that couples who cohabited prior to marriage actually have lower relationship satisfaction and increased risk of divorce. (Marriage & Family Wellness: Corporate America's Business?, Turvey & Olson, 2006)

While love is not a hole we fall into, it is a place that we often work our way out of because of a lack of commitment. Think you'll be happier with that other person? Think again. He or she has just as many (if not more) personal problems and annoyances as your current spouse. Think that other person will be pleasant in the morning? Think again. He may be just as grumpy. Think that other person won't leave her towels on the floor? Think again. She may not pull the curtain in during her shower, leaving the floor completely wet.

You see, these are the things that drive us crazy but that can only be seen when living with someone and that are totally missed when you don't. Stop focusing on the little things that bother you and start looking for and making the good. It will revolutionize your relationship.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.

The other day Malita and I bought a new piece of exercise equipment. UPS brought it, and I was ready to put it together, so out of the box it came gracefully scratching our laminate floor. Here comes the rage, but I kept my temper in check, not that it didn't bother me. It bothered me a lot. From the couch, Malita couldn't see it and so didn't care about the, as I saw it, malignant tumor on our shiny floor. This cool view of the situation is why I love her.

I know her thought process about the incident: "There's nothing we can do about it so why bother?" She's right. What are we going to do? Invest in a whole new floor when our current one has about ten years left in it? Are we going to rush out and look for some patch material that might actually make the spot more noticeable? Are we going to sue the company that made the product and didn't include caps on the sharp, jagged edges? No. We've got better things to do. It's just a scratch and, even if you knew it was there, you'd still have to look for it. Besides, an area rug is much cheaper.

In our marriages, there are scratches like this. Imperfections we may see in the other person. Flaws that at one time seemed so small but now are big, furry purple elephants. What should you do about your spouse's imperfections? There are a few routes to take.

First, is it worth considering? Does it harm your relationship? Is it harmful to the person? If not, you might need to just overlook it. It is our small ways of doing things that make us who we are. On the other hand, if it is a small thing, bring it up in conversation, maybe your spouse will be willing to change.

Second, if it is detrimental in some way, approach it from a concerned frame of mind. If your husband's temper often gets out of control, tell him you're worried about how the kids perceive him. If your wife spends too much, you both need to decide on a budget so your financial goals can be met.

Finally, work on yourself. While your spouse's issues may be a big, furry elephant, yours could be the size of a blue whale. By working on yourself, you become a better and more lovable person. Your spouse will notice the difference, and you'll be happier with yourself. How can you go wrong there?

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.

In their book "Love & War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of," John and Stasi Eldredge do a magnificent job of laying out the spiritual connections of marriage. In chapter six, they discuss agreements we make with ourselves and how this is nothing but the work of Satan wanting to destroy our marriages. He is the father of lies, and we often believe them. With these agreements in place, your marriage will never be what it truly can and should be.

These agreements are attempts at maintaining our marital relationship in its current state with no desire to improve. If any of these sentiments remain unchecked, divorce can be close, and if not divorce, an unsatisfying relationship will continue. Satan came in between one of the world's most famous couples, Adam and Eve. They blamed one another for their situation at the tree when Satan lied to them.

Some examples of these agreements are:

• It's just not going to get any better.
• Don't rock the boat; settle for what you've got.
• It's not worth the effort; don't give it one more try.
• Never let anyone hurt you again.
• I'm just not going to trust him/her anymore.
• You do your thing, and I'll do mine.
• I shouldn't have married him/her.
• I'd be happier with someone else.

If you watch political shows, you'll notice that however is speaking will put their own "spin" on the situation. Conservatives say that President Obama is spending us into oblivion, while more liberal shows would say that Obama is changing us for the better. Whichever way you lean will determine who you believe. The same can happen in your marriage when a simple event turns into a reason to be upset with your spouse.

You're in a hurry, and she wants to talk about something important. "Why does she always do this?" is what you say to yourself as you rush out the door. Then, on your way to work, the irritation festers and, in a sick way, you enjoy it. Sort of like picking a scab. You know it's bad, but you do it anyway. You think to yourself, "I hate it when she does that. She's such a nag. It will never change." Eldredge and Eldredge say, "Irritation becomes cynicism; cynicism becomes resignation." Turning a simple conversation into something darker damages your marriage all because you agree to do so.

Whatever happened to considering our spouse's heart and his or her needs? Instead of moments of connection, important moments turn into mine fields; reason to feel contempt rather than love. We must stop making these negative agreements and start considering those things that strengthen our marriage. If you are in a negative pattern, get out of it and work to build your bond rather than agreeing with yourself to tear it down.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.