The other day Malita and I bought a new piece of exercise equipment. UPS brought it, and I was ready to put it together, so out of the box it came gracefully scratching our laminate floor. Here comes the rage, but I kept my temper in check, not that it didn't bother me. It bothered me a lot. From the couch, Malita couldn't see it and so didn't care about the, as I saw it, malignant tumor on our shiny floor. This cool view of the situation is why I love her.

I know her thought process about the incident: "There's nothing we can do about it so why bother?" She's right. What are we going to do? Invest in a whole new floor when our current one has about ten years left in it? Are we going to rush out and look for some patch material that might actually make the spot more noticeable? Are we going to sue the company that made the product and didn't include caps on the sharp, jagged edges? No. We've got better things to do. It's just a scratch and, even if you knew it was there, you'd still have to look for it. Besides, an area rug is much cheaper.

In our marriages, there are scratches like this. Imperfections we may see in the other person. Flaws that at one time seemed so small but now are big, furry purple elephants. What should you do about your spouse's imperfections? There are a few routes to take.

First, is it worth considering? Does it harm your relationship? Is it harmful to the person? If not, you might need to just overlook it. It is our small ways of doing things that make us who we are. On the other hand, if it is a small thing, bring it up in conversation, maybe your spouse will be willing to change.

Second, if it is detrimental in some way, approach it from a concerned frame of mind. If your husband's temper often gets out of control, tell him you're worried about how the kids perceive him. If your wife spends too much, you both need to decide on a budget so your financial goals can be met.

Finally, work on yourself. While your spouse's issues may be a big, furry elephant, yours could be the size of a blue whale. By working on yourself, you become a better and more lovable person. Your spouse will notice the difference, and you'll be happier with yourself. How can you go wrong there?

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.