Here are four things I promise my child or teen that I'll care about:

First, I'll care about what you care about. Whether it's a science project or a cartoon, if it's important to you, it will be important to me. By this, I'll teach you that you matter. No amount of business or yard work will keep me from sharing in your life on a regular basis.

Secondly, I'll care about your opinions and feelings. Because you are a part of this family, I'll consider what you think and how you feel. I won't always follow through with what you want because I am the parent, but you will know that you matter and that your best interest is at the heart of all my decisions.

Third, I'll care about your friends. While they may be a bunch of misguided miscreants, they, like all children and teens, need direction and if I can influence them, they'll help me take care of you.

Fourth, I'll care about your future. I want you to succeed for a selfish reason in that you are my legacy for when I pass. You are my chance at immortality, but more important than that, your success could change the world for the better.

Here are four things I promise my child I won't care about:

First, I won't care that you get mad when I discipline you. It's not fun for me either, but it has to be done. Otherwise, I won't be teaching you what is right and wrong. Also, worrying that you are upset will only make my job harder. So, from this day forth, I'll not be worried about it. You should know what the consequences of your behavior are, so don't be surprised when you find yourself grounded after you come in late. It's not my fault.

Second, I won't care about embarrassing you when your health and well-being are at stake. I won't kiss you in the mall or hug you in the school hallway if you don't want me to, but nothing short of the U.S. military will stop me when I need to protect you. Bullies and the boy I warned you about will not get away with anything.

Third, I won't care about what you want to do when I think it's dangerous or if I'm the least bit uncertain about it. If you want to do anything, you must have my parental approval because I am the all-powerful being of your universe. When you pay taxes and choose to create life, we'll talk about your status on the matter.

Fourth, I'll never care about anything that keeps you from being a better person. I made mistakes that hurt me deeply. I don't want the same for you. So, listen to what I have to say. It comes from experience and just know that you'll be thankful someday because I said two things to you regularly: "no" and "I love you."

By DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues. Starting Sept. 19, tune in each Sunday to 95.9FM or www.wqkr.com for Project Family with Dale Sadler at 4:30 p.m. Subscribe to Dale's e-newsletter and podcast at www.dalesadler.net.

The Learning Channel show "American Chopper" has slowly made a couple of loud-mouthed grease monkeys into a couple of rich, loud-mouthed grease monkeys. Cool bikes and a lot of family drama make this show entertaining. I enjoy their designs, but also as a counselor, the dynamics of a strained relationship between a father and son compel me to watch. Is it staged? I don't know. Some believe that it is, and you certainly can't trust TV very much, but whether it is or not, the family issues are real.

One can speculate a lot about what causes their arguments. Everything from money to stubbornness can be blamed for the yelling and the throwing of furniture. Also, whatever it is may depend on the episode you're watching, but there is a common thread that has been on the show since its inception: a son's desire to be accepted by his father and the legacy that is being left by that father through his son.

Even if you've just seen the commercials, you'll know that Paul Senior believes that Junior is lazy and never follows through with anything. Wouldn't it be great as a father though to say that your son built a successful business because of your influence and upbringing? Who wouldn't want that? But Junior is the competition. So, Senior is pulled in the direction of being a success himself and not being beaten at his own game. On the other hand, what if he fails? This will then reflect poorly on Senior because he's the father and has taught Junior all that he knows. No matter who you're rooting for, Junior and Mikey (little brother) are the legacy that Paul Teutul Senior is leaving behind and if it's not important to him now, it will be because it's important to all men.

Junior and Mikey are in a difficult bind as well because working with family is different than working for someone else. Maybe they didn't always give it their best because they knew their dad would cut them some slack. This isn't good for business, especially family business, and the animosity among them has finally caught up as Senior has filed a lawsuit against Junior.

Regardless of the cushioning the boys may or may not have expected, all sons want their dads to say, "Great job. You did well." The desire to hear these words but never have that desire met will cause all children to stay away from the dad who, in his own way, may be pushing the child to succeed. Brow-beating works sometimes, but it can eventually make any child grow hard and resentful.

I could be totally wrong about what is going on with them on the show because the TV hides so much. However, the elements I've illustrated are universal. So dads, help your son be the man you want him to be, but inspire him, don't tear him down. Sons, show your dad you want to become a man that he can be proud of.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.