The Learning Channel show "American Chopper" has slowly made a couple of loud-mouthed grease monkeys into a couple of rich, loud-mouthed grease monkeys. Cool bikes and a lot of family drama make this show entertaining. I enjoy their designs, but also as a counselor, the dynamics of a strained relationship between a father and son compel me to watch. Is it staged? I don't know. Some believe that it is, and you certainly can't trust TV very much, but whether it is or not, the family issues are real.

One can speculate a lot about what causes their arguments. Everything from money to stubbornness can be blamed for the yelling and the throwing of furniture. Also, whatever it is may depend on the episode you're watching, but there is a common thread that has been on the show since its inception: a son's desire to be accepted by his father and the legacy that is being left by that father through his son.

Even if you've just seen the commercials, you'll know that Paul Senior believes that Junior is lazy and never follows through with anything. Wouldn't it be great as a father though to say that your son built a successful business because of your influence and upbringing? Who wouldn't want that? But Junior is the competition. So, Senior is pulled in the direction of being a success himself and not being beaten at his own game. On the other hand, what if he fails? This will then reflect poorly on Senior because he's the father and has taught Junior all that he knows. No matter who you're rooting for, Junior and Mikey (little brother) are the legacy that Paul Teutul Senior is leaving behind and if it's not important to him now, it will be because it's important to all men.

Junior and Mikey are in a difficult bind as well because working with family is different than working for someone else. Maybe they didn't always give it their best because they knew their dad would cut them some slack. This isn't good for business, especially family business, and the animosity among them has finally caught up as Senior has filed a lawsuit against Junior.

Regardless of the cushioning the boys may or may not have expected, all sons want their dads to say, "Great job. You did well." The desire to hear these words but never have that desire met will cause all children to stay away from the dad who, in his own way, may be pushing the child to succeed. Brow-beating works sometimes, but it can eventually make any child grow hard and resentful.

I could be totally wrong about what is going on with them on the show because the TV hides so much. However, the elements I've illustrated are universal. So dads, help your son be the man you want him to be, but inspire him, don't tear him down. Sons, show your dad you want to become a man that he can be proud of.

by DALE SADLER

Dale Sadler is a counselor with offices in White House and Red Boiling Springs. He specializes in marriage and family issues. Visit www.DaleSadler.net for more information, or call 615-285-0095 for an appointment. You can also subscribe to his blog at www.insearchformore.com and receive more articles on marriage, family, parenting, and men's issues.